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Remembering the Best Brings Out the Best
Despite the loss of Flash, a wonderful dog, I am choosing to be happy, not angry
Flash's kindness and love will never be forgotten.
Cynthia Lambert Nehr
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I love the T-shirts that proclaim that Life is Good. And it should be our goal each day to see the good in life and in all that is around us. Our world provides us with ample reasons to be happy. This time of year, it’s the colorful mums and pumpkins, the changing leaves the welcomed sweatshirt weather.
But I’m struggling a bit with happiness these days. You see, my golden retriever, Flash, developed a raging case of lymphoma about a month ago. On Sunday I had to take her to the vet and have her put to sleep. She was five.
Though we have other pets–a 17-year-old cat, a 16-year-old cockatiel, a leopard gecko, a frog and a goldfish–Flash was my companion, my best friend and my confidant. It was Flash who went on my very early-morning walks with me, who lay on the couch and watched Harry Potter movies with me as she laid her head on my leg. Flash would prompt me to throw the tennis ball in the backyard for more times than I could ever imagine, and then bring the game into the house as well. Flash allowed me to feel a love from an animal that I had never experienced before in my life.
Flash radiated love, happiness and kindness. She was sweet, patient and the most cunning sock thief I had ever known. She would give kisses by pressing her lips against yours (not by licking you). Her favorite treat was a crisp green bean from the garden. After a long walk, she would settle into her favorite chair or onto the couch, always with a pillow under her head.
Flash loved people even more than dogs, needing to stop along our walks to nuzzle up to other walkers, as if she couldn’t stand NOT sharing her love. One of our typical routes would take us past Ahee Jewelers, one of her favorite places. I don’t know if it was the lights, the number of people she could see through the big windows, or whether it was just a nice patch of grass in front. But she would stop, sit on the lawn and look in. The nice folks who work at Ahee would return her greeting, waving to her, as big smiles spread across their faces. Often, I would see them laughing, amazed that this dog would plop down and smile back at them. When Flash was done saying hello, she would look at me, get up and start walking again.
Since the day I had to say good-bye to my beautiful dog, I have wondered what I could have done to help prevent her lymphoma. Was it how our walks often took us down sidewalks littered with commercial-grade fertilizer? I became angry at the lawn services that carelessly pour their product onto the sidewalk where dogs and people walk. Why can’t they be more conscientious? Why don’t the homeowners who are too busy to fertilize their own lawns at least take five minutes to sweep up the chemicals from their sidewalk? Why wasn’t I more adamant in wiping Flash’s paws after a walk to eliminate potential hazards?
To be honest, I sat down to write this column to complain about commercial-grade fertilizer. I had read on the Internet that it can cause lymphoma in dogs. I called the Harper Woods Veterinary Hospital to talk with a vet about this issue. But guess what? She said there is no documented proof that fertilizer can cause lymphoma. “As a whole, from what we know, it has little or no effect, even if the dog eats grass that has been fertilized,” said Dr. Elizabeth Doppke. Still, she recommends wiping your dog’s paws after traipsing through any kind of chemical.
So I am left with not knowing why my soft, furry, beautiful dog is gone after only five years. There is no one to blame. It just happened.
A good friend told me that when I feel guilty or angry when I think of Flash, I am not honoring who she was and how she reflected only love. I must respect her memory. So today I am letting go of the self-doubt and anger, and instead will focus on the love of Flash–how special she was, and how her little life has forever changed me.
I am grateful to Flash for sharing her life with me, short as it was. Life is good.
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ellen
5:52 pm on Wednesday, September 28, 2011
my heart breaks for you. i have a 3 yr old golden who is simply the most amazing companion & who makes my life wonderful every day, no matter my own struggles. i'm so very sorry that you have lost such a beautiful & dear dog at such a very young age. they give us so much, & the grief at losing them is so large. sending (((hugs))) & love to you.
Cynthia Lambert Nehr
6:31 pm on Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Thank you, Ellen. You, too, know the love of a golden. But I must admit, I'm a sucker for any dog, with those big soft eyes and a wish only to be petted! Many long and wonderful years for both of you!
ellen
5:54 pm on Wednesday, September 28, 2011
also - i think the pesticide/fertilizer concerns are issues for all of us. & while scientific data may not be able to completely back it up at this point, the wildlife & our pets become the collective canaries in the coal mine.
Lynn Ruppe
10:12 pm on Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Cynthia, So very sorry for such a huge loss of your dear Flash. What a beautiful spirit Flash had. Maybe there was a little child in heaven who needed comforting as only Flash could bring. It is so hard to explain why she had to leave so soon. I felt like stalking dog parks just to be near a dog after losing our Golden. Finally I convinced our family that we needed to venture into this puppy love decision again. Dr. Dopke was our vet, too, when we lost Daisy to bone cancer. She had Goldens before but can't bare having them any longer because they are such wonderful dogs, she couldn't lose another one. If you need a puppy hug, we have a one year old Golden who would love to stroll past Ahees. Your heart will mend but never forget. You gave her a beautiful life. Bless you! Lynn & "Penny"
Stephanie
7:38 am on Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sometimes it is comforting to know that others feel your pain and understand exactly what such a loss feels like. I have always said that dogs are God's greatest gift to humans. I love dogs so much that if I could afford to hoard them I probably would. LOL. My 13 year old dog has diabetes and quite the case of old age. I have only known him for 4 short years and he is by far my best friend in this whole world. I cry often just thinking about what the very soon future may bring for the two of us. But I will say that people like us that have a special bond with dogs should always always have one (or two, etc.) There are so many dogs that need us that are out there just waiting. Hopefully you will be able to bring a new friend into your life soon. I am grieving with you today & I just know that all dogs do go to heaven!
gloria anton
9:31 am on Thursday, September 29, 2011
Flash sounds like just a wonderful dog. My sister lost her Golden, Alex, a few months ago. We were lucky to have Alex for 15 years. So far my sister can't bring herself to get another Golden...there was only one Alex. I, too, have lost beloved pets and as I write, tears are running down my face because I still feel the loss of my beautiful and loving "long nose fuzzy faces."
Tim Bledsoe
2:10 pm on Thursday, September 29, 2011
Cynthia, thanks for sharing this. I am embarrassed to say how much I cried when our previous Golden, Molly, was put to sleep in my arms. I will likely do the same for our current Golden, Willie. A lot of people ask me if I am going to write a book about my time in Lansing. Probably not, but I may write a book about Willie.
Two other points, its not the lawn fertilizer that I worry about so much as the herbicides and insecticides. The wide-spread injury and death of spruce and pine trees this year resulting from a new lawn chemical intended to kill dandelions shows both how potent these chemicals are and how poorly tested they can be before entering the market. I'm convinced that various lawn chemicals are linked to higher rates of cancer in dogs. Good research in this area is sadly deficient. LocalMotion Green has worked hard to spread the word about potential dangers of lawn chemicals. My wife and I use a little organic fertilizer and nothing else, regardless of a few dandelions.
Also, we have Blessing of the Animals at Christ Church (Episcopal) Grosse Pointe this Sunday. The service is at 10AM and is in the rear parking lot. Plenty of room for rambunctious critters of all types. All are welcome. Hope to see you there.
Cynthia Lambert Nehr
12:19 pm on Friday, September 30, 2011
Tim, thank you for sharing your experience with your wonderful golden, and also your insight into what might be our next action for change. I would also look forward to a book about Willie. Although I never intended on getting a golden -- a relative's dog had puppies and they asked if we wanted one -- I was amazed at the truly kind temperament and gentle nature of golden retrievers. They are certainly a gift from the heavens.
Judith Vander Weg
4:00 pm on Saturday, October 1, 2011
Cynde, I'm happy you were ready for a Golden "fix" today when mom and I were walking by. Flash was my best friend in the whole world and it's not the same for me when I go by your driveway. We loved to run and play until our manes were icky with drool and we'd flop in the grass, sides heaving with exhaustion. We sure knew how to body slam! Remember last winter when I was down in the snow and Flash sat on my head? Oh, how we made our moms laugh!
Thanks for the hugs today, it was good for me, too. Flash was a silly girl and I will miss her forever.
Love,
ZenaBeana
Cynthia Lambert Nehr
1:23 pm on Monday, October 3, 2011
Silly Zena, it was great to see you the other day. I have to admit, even though I don't have my sweet Flash to pet and snuggle with, it was great to do that with you! I cherish every bit of slobber!