The Pope’s Retirement Plans

The
Pope is too pooped to Pope

Those of us
who are retired or those approaching retirement have probably prepared a list
of “to dos”.  Retirement is a time to
enjoy all those activities that we have dreamed about but did not have time to
experience.  Perhaps it is a personal “bucket list” of things to be accomplished as we move into the twilight years of our life.   Whatever the case, it is a
time for new adventures.

By now
everyone knows that Pope Benedict XVI has announced his retirement and has
moved to a small residence on the outskirts of the Vatican.  This is the first time in 600 years that a
Pope has resigned and as a result people are wondering how he will spend his
retirement.  As a Catholic myself and a
former seminarian I was able to gain access to the Pope’s daily planner and
thus I want to share with you just a few of his plans.  From my viewpoint it looks like a full
schedule.  Here is a look at what he has
on his agenda:

+  Attend retirement party at local Knights of
Columbus Hall

+
Reminiscent of the first Pope retirement party held 600 years ago, instead of a
gold watch receive a gold sundial

+  Audition for lead role in Broadway play
“Jesus Christ Superstar”

+  Purchase season tickets to all St. Louis
Cardinals and New Orleans Saints games

+  Drive the Popemobile in the Woodward Dream
Cruise in Detroit

+  Sign up for AARP – the Almighty Alliance of
Retired Popes

+  Free trips to the healing waters of Lourdes
when I am ill

+  Throw out the first ball in a Los Angeles
Angels baseball game

+  Attend several weddings and turn water into
wine

+  During Lent, go to the Panera Bread Company
and feed thousands with loaves and fishes

+  Cheer on any team playing against the New
Jersey Devils

+  Contact NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and
submit a bid on an upcoming Super Bowl to be held in the Rome Coliseum

+  Pay yearly fee to park the Popemobile in
“Happy Luigi’s Trailer Park”

+  Appear on the Food Network Channel and
demonstrate the healthy merits of Angel Food Cake as opposed to Devil’s Food
Cake

+  Prepare holy water from unlimited supply of
water received from Aquafina

+  Start a side business by selling name brand
products such as Popesi Cola, Poper-mate pens, Popesident Toothpaste, and Popey
Chow

+  Check to see if anyone still remains in Limbo

Well, there
you have it – quite an ambitious schedule. 
Fortunately he will have a squadron of angels to assist him!

Bill Kalmar