The Pope’s Retirement Plans
The
Pope is too pooped to Pope
Those of us
who are retired or those approaching retirement have probably prepared a list
of “to dos”. Retirement is a time to
enjoy all those activities that we have dreamed about but did not have time to
experience. Perhaps it is a personal “bucket list” of things to be accomplished as we move into the twilight years of our life. Whatever the case, it is a
time for new adventures.
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By now
everyone knows that Pope Benedict XVI has announced his retirement and has
moved to a small residence on the outskirts of the Vatican. This is the first time in 600 years that a
Pope has resigned and as a result people are wondering how he will spend his
retirement. As a Catholic myself and a
former seminarian I was able to gain access to the Pope’s daily planner and
thus I want to share with you just a few of his plans. From my viewpoint it looks like a full
schedule. Here is a look at what he has
on his agenda:
+ Attend retirement party at local Knights of
Columbus Hall
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+
Reminiscent of the first Pope retirement party held 600 years ago, instead of a
gold watch receive a gold sundial
+ Audition for lead role in Broadway play
“Jesus Christ Superstar”
+ Purchase season tickets to all St. Louis
Cardinals and New Orleans Saints games
+ Drive the Popemobile in the Woodward Dream
Cruise in Detroit
+ Sign up for AARP – the Almighty Alliance of
Retired Popes
+ Free trips to the healing waters of Lourdes
when I am ill
+ Throw out the first ball in a Los Angeles
Angels baseball game
+ Attend several weddings and turn water into
wine
+ During Lent, go to the Panera Bread Company
and feed thousands with loaves and fishes
+ Cheer on any team playing against the New
Jersey Devils
+ Contact NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and
submit a bid on an upcoming Super Bowl to be held in the Rome Coliseum
+ Pay yearly fee to park the Popemobile in
“Happy Luigi’s Trailer Park”
+ Appear on the Food Network Channel and
demonstrate the healthy merits of Angel Food Cake as opposed to Devil’s Food
Cake
+ Prepare holy water from unlimited supply of
water received from Aquafina
+ Start a side business by selling name brand
products such as Popesi Cola, Poper-mate pens, Popesident Toothpaste, and Popey
Chow
+ Check to see if anyone still remains in Limbo
Well, there
you have it – quite an ambitious schedule.
Fortunately he will have a squadron of angels to assist him!
Bill Kalmar
