Top Ten Holiday Irritations

Top Ten Holiday Shopping Irritations

As
we move into the frenzy of the Holiday shopping season most of us will have
encounters with shopping center store personnel and restaurant staff. Stores
and restaurants will be filled with people looking for that perfect gift, then
quickly digesting a meal in order to be prepared for another crazed journey
into the department stores. Let’s hope that we can do so with a minimum amount
of stress and confusion. In that regard here are my tips to make that a
reality:

10. Store personnel
should greet us with a smile and a friendly greeting even if they are tired and
exasperated. As has been said – The secret of success is sincerity. Once you
can fake that, you’ve got it made. Frankly, if store personnel want to separate
me from my money I want them to treat me as if I were the store owner.

9. Advertised specials
should be in stock and be in abundance. Recently I have discovered that store
computer data fields are uploaded with products on sale before the actual items
arrive. This means calling the store and getting assurance that the item is in
stock only to be disappointed upon arriving when no one can locate it. In those
instances I want an additional discount given when the item does come in to
compensate me for my inconvenience.

8. Please don’t hand me
a receipt that contains a survey about customer service unless you provide me
with $5 off on my next purchase. In my opinion most surveys that offer large
cash prizes are bogus because I have yet to talk to store personnel who are
aware of a winner’s list. And evidently, people that have returned to a store
stating that they have won are non-existent.

7. Message to toy stores
– please remove those irritating fake guinea pigs that chase a plastic ball
inside a cage. I don’t want one and won’t enter your store because you have one
on display in the window.

6. If there is a tip jar
in your store or restaurant please don’t think that it is my responsibility to
raise your minimum wage or your standard of living by filling it with crisp
Lincolns. The price you charged me for my meal or for an item I purchased
should cover your salary. 

5. My calendar lists
December 25 as “Christmas Day” so if I extend such a greeting to you, I expect
you to reciprocate! Yes, there are companies that feel such a greeting is
verboten but if that is the case, just whisper it in my ear. And if shoppers
identify themselves as employees from the ACLU, they should have “Merry
Christmas” inscribed on their receipt.

4. Do not refer to me
and those in my party as “guys” as “how are you guys doing?” When did “sir” and
“madam” go out of popularity?

3. Restaurant staff –
don’t come by our table and ask: “Are you still working on that?” That question
is only valid if I am constructing a LEGO rocket ship at my table. And if you
add the words “Are you guys still working on that” I might just spill your tip
jar on the floor.

2. The words from the
store clerk “Were you able to find everything” makes me think that store
personnel are hiding items much like a scavenger hunt. My response to that
question is: “As a matter of fact I did. The ten dollar bill behind a box of
prunes was most unexpected – so thanks”.

1. Christmas background
music should be playing softly in the background but please refrain from our
having to listen to “Grandmother Got Run Over By A Reindeer” or “I Want A
Hippopotamus For Christmas”, or “Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey”.  Anything by the “Carpenters” will do just
fine thank you.

So those are my Holiday
irritations and wishes. Hope all you guys, er, sorry, I mean ladies and
gentlemen have a joyous Holiday Season –that store and restaurant personnel
smile and actually act as if they are glad to see you – and that you too find a
ten dollar bill behind a box of prunes!

Bill Kalmar